Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I went away for 4 days for some much needed R & R. Fighting CF is like trying to build a sand castle in the waves. Sometimes you make some headway and see the potential of the finished product and then a wave comes and destroys all your hard work. You always know the inevitable outcome but you cling to the hope that some day the waves will recede and you will see the beautiful, finished work of art. I was hoping that lessons would be learned while I was away (i.e. my husband would GET it) but it was me that learned some lessons and I will share them with you now...It is ok if things don't get done the way that I would do them as long as the outcome is the same. I need to let go of some of the control and realize that other family members are just as capable as I am of taking care of my children. I need to take care of myself so that I can better take care of my family. Being a martyr is no fun and doesn't do anybody any good. The bad thing about martyrdom is it always ends in death for the martyr. Who wants that?? I went away for 4 days and no one ended up in the ER, bleeding, needing stitches or unconcious (although I did come home to a 16 inch bass in my koi pond). My household and family continued to run without me and that is ok. It is ok if I want to take some time for myself so I don't get swallowed up by the responsibilities that come with being the mother of 3 CF children. It is true what they say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world and when you factor in the CF, it is doubly hard. Some days I go to bed and feel like a complete failure and other days I go to bed and feel like I did an awesome job and that is ok too. I learned that I am going to make mistakes and the only unforgivable one is failing to forgive myself for them. Instead of trying to live up to someone else's idea of what a "good mom" is, I am going to embrace the mom that I am. I am far from the perfect mom but I am the perfect mom for my kids and I am ok with that.